I want to preserve what has happened to my mother the last few weeks, especially the texts from Pop. All times are Californian. At this point, Mom is gradually improving and there is talk of her finally leaving the hospital for a rehab facility, so read this with a knowledge that things work out happily.
Monday, May 18
Pop and Grandma were having lunch together in the dining room, talking about the Book of Ruth. Pop was sharing "how I realized this morning that it is a beautiful demonstration of what covenantal love is all about" when she suddenly said, "I feel odd." She started breathing compulsively and her head slumped down. Pop called 911, and her breathing stopped while he was talking to them, then slumped over, unconscious. Pop was able to lower her to the ground and start chest compressions to get her breathing started again. The paramedics arrived, moved the dining room table out of the way, and continued trying to revive her.
Pop reached out to us right away. 2:42pm - "Pray for Grandma. I think she had a heart attack.
2:48 - She is not breathing and her heart is not beating.
2:49 - It may be starting up.
2:52 - Heart is beating. There is a pulse."
They took her to the ER and then to the ICU under heavy sedation and with a ventilator installed.
5:08 - "How am I? Alive and kicking. This is not the best day of my life. But I cannot tell you how grateful I am that I was there when it happened, and was able to call emergency services and start chest compressions. In the midst of everything going on, large teams of doctors and support staff, there wasn't a chance for me to give her a blessing until they kindly left the room and gave us a little privacy. The Lord is with her and I feel His comforting hand. I know we are in His care."
Doctors confirmed that there were no blockages, and to this date they are uncertain what the specific cause was. She was able to respond to commands, to squeeze a hand or wiggle her toes or grimace. Those remained her main forms of communication for the next several days, though she could move her head slightly and open her eyes for brief periods of time.
Pop and Grandma had just (just!) been to visit us for Hyrum's ordination (see future post). She had seemed unusually weak and I talked with him just before they left about about her health. It was a tender time of sharing our love and concern for her. Now scarcely three days later we faced the very real possibility of her passing.
As I counseled with Joy, I considered how unprepared I was emotionally to face her death. I don't know how someone gets "prepared" for that.
We were mostly in shock. To help comfort the kids (and me) we watched Bluey. Bluey learned to accept that things don't always go according to plan, but life can still be fun. Bingo had a dream that she had to give up her stuffed rabbit, but then the rabbit came back to her and tucked her in. JT particularly appreciated that one. As I talk about this post with the family, Hyrum shared the comfort that regular temple attendance gave him now that he is endowed, in knowing that we really are an eternal family and it would be all right.
Tue May 19
Mom had two more heart attacks and a mini stroke during the night. Doctors installed a temporary pacemaker that morning.
7:30am - "It is comforting to see her breathe." - a regular refrain these first days.
11:46 - It is very much touch and go. She is unconscious at the moment. It's very much one day at a time.
12:17 - Doctor finally dropped by to talk to me. She is in critical condition. The fact that her heart stopped - "she coded" in doctor speak - three times is not a good sign. If she codes again, they may not be able to revive her.
One of the most touching comments came from Emilee who shared her confidence that we still need Grandma's wisdom and that she will have something amazing to share about God's tender mercies. Steve suggested informing the geneology societies she works with about what happened. That unleashed literally hundreds of people who have benefited from her leadership in prayer for Mom. That put me in mind of reaching out to family. Most had already heard from Pop, but I did get her brother, Uncle Sherm, into the loop. During our chat that evening, Sherm - a doctor - confirmed that they were doing everything just right over there. Steve sent us all a copy of his barbershop chorus singing a peaceful hymn.
2:30pm the doctor was "cautiously optimistic. But we don't know what caused it and therefore all we can do is support her and buy her time for her body to heal. She is maintaining blood pressure on her own. They have a machine here to keep her body cool (36 degrees centigrade) to help prevent neurological problems."
Pop read Sister Amy Wright's 2023 General Conference address, where the Spirit reassured her that "everything is going to be OK" despite her cancer diagnosis. The bishop came by to give both of them priesthood blessings and a ward member who happened to be at the hospital gave him a hug. That evening, Pop lamented that "She is sufficiently out of it that I am not at all sure she hears me. She hasn't reacted. But that means she's out of pain. ... I am neither alone nor lonely. I am strengthened by the prayers of many." The good news was that "Julene is needing less and less medication to keep her blood pressure stable."
Several of us found comfort talking to ChatGPT about Mom's condition. It helped keep the worst case scenarios as very low probability events, describing what was meant by the medical terminology and what was most likely to happen.
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