Aunt Coralee offered to host a picnic get-together before the funeral. We decided that having the kids run around at a park before time to be reverent was not the best strategy, so we sent Joy by herself as a family rep.
Joy: "My sister Fran offered to take me so that I could leave the car behind. I'm glad that she decided to come with me. She even stayed for a little while. It was great to see some of my mom's family. My mom's family always used to get together for Thanksgiving and a family reunion in the summer, but after my grandma died it's mostly been for funerals and maybe special birthdays. So it was really sweet to have Coralee invite people to get together, like old times.
"My aunt Carla was there with Jackie and her daughter, . Brent and Howard were there and Howard's daughter that's Christine's friend. My uncle Dennis and his wife and her daughter were there. My aunt Wendy and my uncle Blair came. I haven't seen either one of them since they got married, or nearly so. It was really nice to seem them. I had felt really close to them as a kid. I had hardly recognized Aunt Wendy. Actually, I saw Aunt Wendy on my way out to Pennsylvania; I stayed overnight in her house in Ohio."
"My aunt Carla passed out family group sheets and she visited my mom every week in Ogden before Covid happened. She had told me that she felt like she was standing in the place of my mom's Mom, who would visit her that regularly if she could. It was always on Sunday. My aunt Rose came. I've always really loved my aunt Rose. Her husband is not doing well, and stays in their home all year long. I got to hear about that because I told her to remember to tell him to behave and be nice to her because he always used to tease her in public."
"My aunt Nonie was there with her new husband. It was nice to meet him - seems calm and reserved. I'm sure that's why they suit each other. Nonie's kind of quiet. But anytime I tried to talk to him, he was very eager to talk to me."
Sounds like me!
"And of course Dustin and Christine came with their children. Christine expressed a desire, quite persistently, that she wanted them to come and visit us in Texas. That just made me so happy! She even talked about doing so this year. :) I'm going to need to follow up. I really had a good time visiting with the people I love in my mom's family."
Superstar ~ I got to be a pall bearer for the funeral, which was very exciting. ~
"Jake and Amy came for the funeral" even though they are on your dad's side of the family. "I think though it has to do with Doug making such close friends with people. He had some friends there from high school!
There was a canopy set up outside at the gravesite. It was a hot day, so most people either congregated inside the canopy or in the shade of the trees around. It was quite a good turnout, with maybe 10-20% wearing masks for Covid.
Uncle DeWayne conducted the service. It was recorded on a webcam and is preserved for posterity here*****. Uncle Doug gave the official talk about life. He took Orson Scott Card's "Speaker for the Dead" as an inspiration, trying to tell a deeper truth about life and Mom - not glossing over the hard times and human foibles, but still in an attempt to honor their mother. I was particularly impressed with the rhetorical flourish near the end, when he shared something along the lines of 'She didn't teach us responsibility, but she taught us independence. She didn't give us _this___, but she gave us __that_____.' It was very poetic.
His talk gave others permission to also be honest yet kind. He and they mentioned the poverty she always lived in. We heard about how the family didn't have food some days, about needing to move from place to place often, about the judgment they faced from others in the community. And yet despite it all, she was loving and kind and forgiving; she held firm to her love of Jesus and the gospel.
John-Thomas # I liked the broom talk. That was really fun. Like, "Ahhhh! I'm coming for you with the broom!"#
Uncle Doug told a favorite story of his mother. He, DeWayne, and Joy were sharing a room in the attic. DeWayne and Joy were asleep, but Doug was running and jumping around until his mother called upstairs to get him to stop. He didn't. She warned that she was going to come upstairs with a broom. Li'l Dougie poked his head around the corner and saw her marching up the stairs with a broom.
Uhoh! Quickly he jumped into bed and pretended to be asleep. His mom entered the room, looked around at three "sleeping" forms and announced, "Alright! Who's really sleeping and who's just pretending?!" Then she took the broom and WHAPPED DeWayne multiple times. Doug laid in bed, silently laughing to himself. Until his mother left the room and DeWayne returned the favor, that is.
JT #That one was funny.#
They had some time for anyone who wanted to to come up and share thoughts and feelings and memories about Grandma Joy. Superstar and Princess both did.
S ~ I spoke about how we went to Grandma Joy's nursing home and they had some of the yummiest hot chocolate there. I always looked forward to going there to have the hot chocolate because I was 8 the last time I had seen her. At the end I got to place the pall-bearer flower from my shirt on the casket. ~
In his closing remarks, DeWayne mentioned that mom was not very good with the Rules of the gospel, but she taught her children to Love the gospel.
J: "Mom always took us to church. Some people who get excommunicated don't come to church anymore, but my mom never stopped going."
For those who don't know, Mom did come back into full fellowship and died in the faith. Many people praised her acceptance and non-judgmental attitude. I had thought of sharing about how she accepted me with open arms, but Mari and Amy gave very similar accounts of how welcoming she was already, and I wanted to leave more time for people actually related to her.
Sister Paige, who led music and was a close family friend, was there and shared some very interesting family experiences "in a big white van." Aunt Coralee accompanied the congregation on the mandolin, singing "You Are My Sunshine" and "I Often Go Walking". So overall it was an interesting graveside service. My favorite line was one of her brothers saying, "Elona always loved men" and describing how as a toddler she would follow just about any male around. She would get into strange men's cars without them knowing about it. She was too young to know her address, and so the folks just took her to the police station. The police would give her a cookie and call her folks to say Elona was there again. "She thought that was a great time." We've occasionally had one of our kids wander off, but never for more than 15-30 minutes. We can't even imagine how much we would freak out if, Princess say, decided to wander into strangers' cars. "Eek!" Some people will say that life is different today, but I tend to think that people haven't actually changed that much - most people are decent. We just hear a lot more about the scary things. Anyway.
J: "DeWayne ended by talking about forgiveness. That week I decided to practice forgiving at a deeper level as well."
"My aunt Nonie was there with her new husband. It was nice to meet him - seems calm and reserved. I'm sure that's why they suit each other. Nonie's kind of quiet. But anytime I tried to talk to him, he was very eager to talk to me."
Sounds like me!
"And of course Dustin and Christine came with their children. Christine expressed a desire, quite persistently, that she wanted them to come and visit us in Texas. That just made me so happy! She even talked about doing so this year. :) I'm going to need to follow up. I really had a good time visiting with the people I love in my mom's family."
 |
| DeWayne, Doug, and Dustin - sons Christopher, Jude, Superstar, Sammy, and Anna - grandchildren |
"Jake and Amy came for the funeral" even though they are on your dad's side of the family. "I think though it has to do with Doug making such close friends with people. He had some friends there from high school!
There was a canopy set up outside at the gravesite. It was a hot day, so most people either congregated inside the canopy or in the shade of the trees around. It was quite a good turnout, with maybe 10-20% wearing masks for Covid.
Uncle DeWayne conducted the service. It was recorded on a webcam and is preserved for posterity here*****. Uncle Doug gave the official talk about life. He took Orson Scott Card's "Speaker for the Dead" as an inspiration, trying to tell a deeper truth about life and Mom - not glossing over the hard times and human foibles, but still in an attempt to honor their mother. I was particularly impressed with the rhetorical flourish near the end, when he shared something along the lines of 'She didn't teach us responsibility, but she taught us independence. She didn't give us _this___, but she gave us __that_____.' It was very poetic.
 |
| Dustin, Fran, Joy, Doug, DeWayne |
John-Thomas # I liked the broom talk. That was really fun. Like, "Ahhhh! I'm coming for you with the broom!"#
Uncle Doug told a favorite story of his mother. He, DeWayne, and Joy were sharing a room in the attic. DeWayne and Joy were asleep, but Doug was running and jumping around until his mother called upstairs to get him to stop. He didn't. She warned that she was going to come upstairs with a broom. Li'l Dougie poked his head around the corner and saw her marching up the stairs with a broom.
JT #That one was funny.#
They had some time for anyone who wanted to to come up and share thoughts and feelings and memories about Grandma Joy. Superstar and Princess both did.
S ~ I spoke about how we went to Grandma Joy's nursing home and they had some of the yummiest hot chocolate there. I always looked forward to going there to have the hot chocolate because I was 8 the last time I had seen her. At the end I got to place the pall-bearer flower from my shirt on the casket. ~In his closing remarks, DeWayne mentioned that mom was not very good with the Rules of the gospel, but she taught her children to Love the gospel.
J: "Mom always took us to church. Some people who get excommunicated don't come to church anymore, but my mom never stopped going."
For those who don't know, Mom did come back into full fellowship and died in the faith. Many people praised her acceptance and non-judgmental attitude. I had thought of sharing about how she accepted me with open arms, but Mari and Amy gave very similar accounts of how welcoming she was already, and I wanted to leave more time for people actually related to her.
Sister Paige, who led music and was a close family friend, was there and shared some very interesting family experiences "in a big white van." Aunt Coralee accompanied the congregation on the mandolin, singing "You Are My Sunshine" and "I Often Go Walking". So overall it was an interesting graveside service. My favorite line was one of her brothers saying, "Elona always loved men" and describing how as a toddler she would follow just about any male around. She would get into strange men's cars without them knowing about it. She was too young to know her address, and so the folks just took her to the police station. The police would give her a cookie and call her folks to say Elona was there again. "She thought that was a great time." We've occasionally had one of our kids wander off, but never for more than 15-30 minutes. We can't even imagine how much we would freak out if, Princess say, decided to wander into strangers' cars. "Eek!" Some people will say that life is different today, but I tend to think that people haven't actually changed that much - most people are decent. We just hear a lot more about the scary things. Anyway.J: "DeWayne ended by talking about forgiveness. That week I decided to practice forgiving at a deeper level as well."
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