Joy and the Accidental Miracle

Joy was driving to the Dallas temple in the very early morning tenish days ago (as we start writing this post). She was nearly at the temple, still on the freeway. She saw a chunk of metal on the road ahead, but there were cars to either side of her, which made avoiding it rather difficult. It attached itself to her car's underbelly and she dragged it for some distance until she was able to get it dislodged and move to the side of the road. She parked on a narrow shoulder and started calling people.

J: After I pulled over, the first thing I did was see if I could put it in gear again. It wouldn't even rev, which meant it wasn't really in gear. It was more like in neutral.

She called her temple coordinator first, to let them know she might be a little late. She called me next, and I had woken up by that point to get her call as soon as it came in. She reported that she was okay, no injuries, and not even particularly rattled. I was very impressed with how calmly she was taking the situation. But it sounded quite clear that she could not continue driving just now.

After me, she called a friendly tow truck, that took her first to a mechanic who said he couldn't repair that.

J: That's when I saw - because the mechanic looked underneath - all three of us could see that the transmission was hanging down that had been broken off of the casing. He only repairs them, but that one needed to be replaced. So the tower took me to another place that was recommended by the first place.

They hadn't opened just yet

J: So I had my key, we left the key at the gas station next to it

Because there was no room for them at the inn

J: I mean, really, all the parking was stuffed with cars in different directions! Like, on their property there was no space. We could maybe fit the nose of the tow onto the property.

And then the tow drove her to the temple, which was only a few miles away. She called me again from the temple, and we spoke with tearful gratitude about her safety and now being at the temple. We both had the odd feeling that this accident happened with deliberate timing - that having something go wrong now was much better than it happening later. She was safe and completely uninjured. She felt peace!

J: I would go as far as to say that I felt joy bubbling up inside me.

... time passes ...

It's been three weeks since the accident. Insurance decided to replace the transmission, but conversation between them and the mechanic has been exceptionally spotty, so repairs haven't really started yet. We have been very thankful that we inherited my great aunt's car a few years ago and that one can take care of us. In another post we'll probably talk about how this week my parents drove up from California to gift us their car (same year and model as ours, but with 130k FEWER miles on it) (!!!!). We are indeed very most fortunate and blessed!

What a week

At the end of last week, Nia had a bad cough and a couple strange symptoms. I talked to Dr. ChatGPT and we agreed that this was more than a usual cough and she should see a doctor on the soon side. Next day she was diagnosed with strep and bronchitis, making her asthma really bad. She was put on multiple inhalers and some other appropriate medicines. Her turtle nebulizer (seen below) is named "Georgina".

Nia and Georgina play Mario

Joy and I didn't get sick, but we spent the weekend SO tired and basically spent our time trying to prevent the infection from taking hold. We succeeded, but everyone's sleep schedules have been absolutely destroyed. We haven't had a single night when all four of us slept through the night. We keep switching between 8-12 hours of sleep one night followed by 2-4 the next and multiple naps and ... it's been a doozy.

... Joy happily corrects me! We all slept through the night last night!

----

A few weeks ago, we were voluntarily haunted by several "ghosts" - HVAC, electric, plumbing, etc. giving our house its irregular checkup. They identified a number of areas in the house that need improvement. We decided on a few that were high priority and set up an appointment for the plumber to come over. 

Our water pressure is way too high, so for $1500 they'll install a water pressure valve. Maybe some of the plumbing problems we've been dealing with for the last few years stem from this.

So the plumber pops in and says, yeah, we'll have to dig a 4' deep trench and replace the 60 year old rusted pipes outside so we have something to attach to. That'll run you another $5500.

He checks a couple more things, scratches his head a bit and says, Actually, it may be a LOT worse than that. With our plumbing luck, it probably is. Long story short, it is worse. So we're going to get an entire plumbing overhaul done this coming week for the internal water, and we may be without water for a little bit.

So to relax, Joy and I assmebled a couple wooden puzzles. Fun little date. How is y'all's week?

Next year

This Passover week, I've been feeling more deeply the final blessing spoken during the seder: Next year in Jerusalem. Next year, may we partake of this meal together, gathered as a scattered people. Timeless words for our times!

We were going to have the elders over for Easter. Instead I dropped off some food we had not touched in plastic shopping bags for them to cook, along with some candy. Next year, may we partake of this meal together.

I usually have some hand in preparing an Easter program for church. I love the music of Easter - half mourning the sacrifice that was made last night in Gethsemane and today in Calvary, half rejoicing for the coming of Resurrection Sunday morning. This year I've asked my brother to sing something over Zoom while our families gather for some hope and testimony. Next year, may we partake of this music together.

Our family is safe and well provided. We have abundance and health. Yet today is a day of fasting, praying for deliverance for all people from another plague, and our children's greatest concern is missing their friends. I miss teaching seminary, being with them. Next year, may we partake of classes together.

During His Last Supper, though, our Savior did not talk of next year. He told them He would not be there next year - that He would not partake of this meal until He comes again in glory. He spoke of a peace that passes understanding - a peace that comes during times of trial even when the trial isn't immediately removed. He spoke of showing love to all and being as unified with each other as He and the Father are one. May we be just a little better at that. Next year, may we partake of life together and be one.

The Kids on our COVID-19 experience, week 2

John-Thomas - COVID bad. Bad bad COVID. I like staying home, but I don't like that Matthew can't come over because my birthday is coming soon.

Princess - I like General Conference, even though people might not be able to come to the place.

SCHOOL
[For our home school experience, the kids have three groups of things they need to do. 1 - They get ready for the day with the usual things they need to do anyway. 2 - They have their school subjects. 3 - They have additional school subjects that we want them to learn, like Duolingo and more advanced math for the older kids. They can choose when they do each subject within each group for the most part.]

Superstar - I have my school stuff to do and a couple hours of 8th grade algebra, which is frustrating.

Princess - I like to do more art, more preparation for [JT's] birthday

Superstar - During recess I don't get to play football with my friends.

Princess - I miss my classmates and my teacher.

JT - School is more exciting. The fun yesterday was more exciting. I almost beated the level on Wii and the movie was fun too. Movie movie movie!

Superstar - I like being able to choose what subject comes next. I sometimes get to play Wii at school once I finish everything. We get to do Zooms - it's a face to face online video chat you can have with other people. Sometimes we have zooms with the entire class and sometimes it was 3 people. In Zoom I like how you get to share anything on your ipad on your screen so that everybody can see it and you can make yourself have a virtual background. So if I'm standing at a green background it looks like I'm at the beach. [I asked him what's good about in-person classes.] There are a lot of good things about Zoom.

Princess - I like the new clothes I've been getting. Two people brought me pretty new clothes. I get more me time, quiet time, reading time. I like almost everything about homeschool, except when I'm on the Disney dance pad, I can't sit down.

JT - I like Disney dance cause I get the gold star!

Superstar - At least this happened before we got to track, cause I didn't want to do track.

Princess - I like science. I tried an experiment from my teacher. So you put some water in one cup, about half full, and put water in another cup about half full, and then you put a lot of salt in one and then you don't put any salt in the other. I dropped an egg in each and in one it floated and one it sank. Then I put the egg in the one that floated and put the water from the one that sank on top, and the egg floated in between the two waters!

Superstar - I've shared a google doc with some of my friends so I can talk to them through the google doc. But the google doc, it doesn't give you a notification when someone says something. Google classroom and share it with your class, everyone in the class can see it and there's a notification. But then you can have a small chat with someone in Zoom that gives notifications as well.

CHURCH

JT - Church is yummy. Because of the homemade bread. Feels like I'm eating the house!

Princess - One thing I like about home church is that I'm only talking to 5 people when I bear my talk so it's not as scary as usual when I bear it normal church.

Superstar - I don't really like revisiting Primary because I'm the only young man. But I kind of like that they are letting me teach, which kind of brings it back up again. I also like that I get to pass the sacrament to my family every Sunday. I'm not looking forward to that ending. It's interesting that Dad gives the sacrament tray to me, and then I hand it to him because he's the presiding person. He hands it to me and then I hand it to him, and then I pass to everyone else. It's kind of cozy. And we have rocking chairs! So I get to sit in a rocking chair the entire time. Pretty cool.

Drought in southern Africa

The number one, defining experience of Nigeria was the power going out. Multiple times every day. When new in country, this was shocking and disturbing. You'd be talking with someone or working or doing anything, and then suddenly the power would go out. When would it come back? Would it ever come back? And then it came back as the generator turned on. Only to turn off again when we switched back to public power. By the time we'd been in country a while, the power going out was merely a comma in a conversation - you keep going with what you were doing. Sometimes we'd turn it into a running gag: "Welcome to Nigeria! Have a nice day!"

When we came back to the States, there was a power outage in the first week or so. We turned to each other and said, "Welcome to Nigeria! Have a nice day!"

In preparing to come to South Africa, we learned they had the occasional problem with their electricity supply too - nothing to Nigeria's scale of course, but for several weeks this year they had rolling blackouts. So we were prepared with our standby jokes.
-----------------------------
The power has stayed on just fine. Oh. Right, developed country and all that.

But there has been a drought in southern Africa and last night our hostess came to inform us that they were out of water. City had just shut it off and no one knew when it would come back on.



She talked as if she expected it back on this morning or maybe last night, but it was entirely possible it would last more than a day.

In Nigeria when we ran out of water, it was because there was a strike at the water bottling plant, so we were boiling tap water for over a week to make sure we had something to drink. After that we stored up two weeks of drinking water. Besides, our stake here has been talking up emergency preparedness.

So our first reaction was to start filling every bucket, mixing bowl, and container we could find while we still had water at the upper house. We started asking a lot of silly questions, like what to do about toilets -- if they won't flush for days on end, where does a body ... do what a body does? In Nigeria, people just defecate on the road as a normal thing, in Italy #1 is socially acceptably, and in Texas they're both illegal. I worry that our hostess did not appreciate any comparison to Nigeria: yes, I'm sure there are parts of South Africa that are not developed, but I like to think that around here we are not where they are.... Not that things are illegal, one wouldn't just ... ugh.

But she humoured us in filling a bunch of buckets while our tap water still flowed.

This morning the water is back on. We'll see for how long.\
UPDATE: We have been informed it's not the drought. They are fixing the water mains and had to shut water off to various parts of the city to do work.

Time capsule: Live each day

(Written Saturday, May 11)
Among my least favorite things this semester was a growing worry for my and my family's safety. There were two days in particular as I was getting ready to leave for school that I felt like there was a real possibility I might not make it home again.

Of course, there's always that possibility - crazy drivers and muggers are everywhere; food poisoning can happen everywhere; who knows what my immune system can't handle; everything we eat kills us by degrees. That's life.

But two days it really hit me that I might not be coming home. One of those was graduation. Boko Haram is a terrorist group whose name means (roughly) "Western education - boko - is sinful - haram." So here I am, Mr. Boko, doing something haram. A graduation of a western university sounds like an ideal target for any one of the dozens of splinter groups and copy cat organizations. When a (false alarm) report of 30 dead spread the day before, I actually prayed that I'd rather have another kidney stone attack to give me a legitimate excuse to miss it.

Living each day as if it were your last would be horrible.

The night before and the morning of graduation, the possibility of it being the Last Time really hit home. Singing to my children felt particularly important as I sang our family's song - I sometimes call it my spell of protection, binding our family together to survive any calamity. Trying any kind of discipline was very hard. I set my alarm earlier because I wanted to make sure that, if it was my last day, we had read scriptures together. When we did read scriptures, I found an excuse to bear my testimony to them ... just in case. Extra hugs and kisses before I left. Extra admonishments to be good and obey Mommy.

and to know I love them very much.

I told Joy I would send her a little email every 15-30 minutes during graduation so she would know I was okay. Turned out my connection was lousy, so they came in bunches. I thought about writing my children a long letter each - which didn't happen, sadly. Those last letters are useful things to have around, just in case, y'know? But I know what would've gone into each of them.

In economics, we differentiate between "risk" and "uncertainty." With risk, you have a pretty good idea what the relevant probabilities are: stock returns have a particular distribution, flipped coins will be 50/50 heads, that kind of thing. You don't know what will happen, but you've got a good idea of what might happen and how likely certain events are. With uncertainty you don't even know what might happen, let alone how likely each outcome is. I was very uncertain. I didn't know what the probability was, but with a new attack somewhere in this state or the adjoining one every couple days for the last several weeks and every week for the entire semester ... it felt high.

There's a natural tendency now that the "crisis" has passed and nothing at all happened to want to minimize all that fear. But it was a rational response, whatever the objective probability actually was. It's one of the top reasons I'm glad Joy and the kids will be living in the States next year. Bad stuff can happen to them there too ... but it's known risks and not uncertainties.

When we prayed last night, I told God I trusted Him with me and with the family. It felt very silly after saying that to even want to ask for anything else or more than for His will. It felt very foolish to worry - we're all in His hands anyway. But His ways aren't my ways. (Psst... they're better.)  Oh right.

Lord, I believe. Help Thou mine unbelief.

On the drive to the graduation, this is what I read next in my scriptures:

But I will deliver thee in that day, saith the LORD: and thou shalt not be given into the hand of the men of whom thou art afraid. For I will surely deliver thee ... because thou hast put thy trust in me. (Jeremiah 39:17-18).

Sickness: stomach bug or mosquito?

This was a very hard week. Sunday, Joy was able to fast for the first time in years, so we fasted together while the getting was good. In our church, fasting means going without food or water for two consecutive meals. Then we had a nice, normal dinner.

Joy and I sat down to spend some together after putting the kids to bed, and I was not feeling well. My stomach was processing dinner much too quickly and much too frequently, let's call it that. I kept feeling worse. I finally got out the thermometer and started tracking my temperature. In 90 minutes my temperature went up 2 degrees. I hurt.

I spent the entire night getting up to go to the bathroom, then laying back down for maybe 5 minutes until I returned to the bathroom, maybe for an hour before the next stomach cramps. I was so miserable at one point I TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI. Oy, was that a terrible image that will burn your retinas!

Mom reminded Joy to remind me to take Vicodin and that was a lifesaver.

A stressful day

I must have had a very stressful day, assuming dreams are anything to go by:

It all started off when I woke up in the hospital. I had been shot in my back, the bullet puncturing one of my lumbar vertebrae discs. The nurse told me the doctors weren't sure if I would walk again, so could I please try?

Thankfully, I could. My back hurt some, but a lot less than I expected. I wandered the hospital with a 104 degree fever while looking for something, but I couldn't remember what. They told me it was not a good time to travel, but I had to go back to Nigeria right away. The semester had already started and if I didn't get back, they would take away all my classes and force me to teach things I don't know anything about.

I finally made it out of the hospital and got into the car so we could drive to the airport. We had not been driving long when we got into an accident - the other driver's fault. I looked back at my parents' car: half of it was a little crumpled, but on the other half only the chicken wire frame that held it together was still there. The rest had been peeled off and lay on the side of the road.

What a miracle no one was hurt! The children got out of their seats and went wandering. I have a feeling that Prince said he didn't want to be in the Church anymore, but I don't remember hearing him say that. I looked for Joy to help me keep the kids together as the other driver came up to apologize, but I couldn't find her anywhere.

The other driver turned out to be a friend from Ithaca, who reminded me I needed to sell our trailer and move our stuff from Ithaca to Goleta before we left for Nigeria. But there was no time left. Then he asked how my job market went, and I realized I had forgotten to go on the job market this year!

And that was just the start of the dream. It got worse.

Safety in Yola, Nigeria --- Jimeta, Nigeria

Is it safe to live in Yola and Jimeta, Nigeria? It is not as safe as it used to be.
I and my family are safe. We live in a compound that has guards and that is nice. I feel safe in our compound, in our apartment. I don’t like how our guards make fun of my children when we go out of our apartment, but it feels safe. I also keep my family inside most days for dawn and dusk because of malaria ridden mosquitoes. We are safe and feel that Heavenly Father still wants us to be here so we continue being here and learning to love the people and place.
Please only look below the fold if you really want to know more. If you are my family, you might not want to read.

Coming Home to Nigeria

What makes us feel like we're coming home?
When we went down for breakfast at the hotel in Abuja on our way to Yola, we found our former-neighbors there, who are some of our best friends here. Several other friends flew in with us on the same plane. A student recognized me and greeted me happily. Our compound's guards laughed and rejoiced to see us return. Friendly faces make for nice homecomings.

Prince excitedly cried, "I'm going to go see my room!" He crowed, "Look at all these great toys!" Then he grabbed up ... "Yoshi! Oh Yoshi, I missed you so much!" He spent the next minute talking to a plush ridable dragon.

Princess, who was not allowed on the floor until the cockroaches were swept up, explored the house for the first time on her own two feet and also found her room and the wonderful toys therein.

What was Joy delighted to see? "I can find my can opener! That means I'm home."

My delight, of course, was finding my work computer and being able to sit down at my own computer for the first time in three months (story in a coming post). The other electronics are still at an office on campus, so it's just a question of how long I can be kept from heading over there before I have the rest of them again.

What makes us feel like we're coming home ... to Nigeria?
Having the electricity shut off at the hotel and seeing all the faculty/staff present say, "Welcome back to Nigeria!" as they take a deep breath of air -- some of them like they're getting ready to dive in, others as if they were smelling mother's cooking.


Joy rejoiced at how clean our home was. I reminded her about the cockroaches on the floor. "Well, yes, but it's really very clean ... aside from the cockroaches." I swept up a full cup of them plus two grasshoppers.

I realized at some point that my inspection of the house when I came in was to see 1) how many lights broke while we were gone; 2) what else needs fixing; and 3) if was anything stolen. I never acted that way in Ithaca.

Coming home to Nigeria also means reshifting expectations:

Wanderer in a Strange Land

You actually can go home again. There are just start up costs.

I expect to feel like I'm in a foreign country in Nigeria. I don't expect that in the US.

As we prepared to leave Nigeria and return to the US for the summer, we made careful plans. Among other things, we decided to leave as much as possible in Yola and buy anything we needed here, bringing only those clothes and so forth we would not be bringing back to Yola. That would preserve space for what we want to bring back with us. But that meant when we first arrived, we shampooed with the complementary hotel bottles, had no razors, etc. etc. etc. Few things say "Not At Home" quite like not having the specific things you use daily. [Fixed within 24 hours]

When we got to the US, we had no car insurance. So even though my parents were willing to let us borrow their car, we weren't legally allowed to. We hiked the mile to the store and back, lugging our medications, toiletries, and a few other things with us. Few things say "Not At Home" quite like not being able to get around. [Fixed within 72 hours]

When we got to the US, we had no phone. I expected this would be a major problem when we first arrived because I was certain there was no way on the Face on the EARTH we would get through customs and security with 2 red-eyed children, 2 red-eyed adults, and make it to our connecting flight with only a one hour layover. How would we let Mom know the new time to pick us up once our flights were rescheduled? Well, we found a way and it turned out by some minor miracle that we made our flight anyway. But few things say "Not At Home" quite like not having a phone, anyone's phone numbers, or ability to get hold of anyone. [Fixed within a week]

We're staying in Goleta right now, which is my home town. I know where everything is. Joy doesn't. Few things say "Not At Home" quite like needing to ask someone where literally everything is. How do I find food? Where can I take the children to play? When is church?

"You assume when you come back to the US, you assume you have a sense of independence again ... and it takes a while to set that up," Joy adds.

On the other hand, few things say "Welcome Home" quite like having all your favorite, beloved, only-in-the-US foods ready and waiting for you (Thanks, Pop!); knowing that everyone not only speaks the same language as their primary language, but speaks it the same way you do; the many hugs and smiles from friends and family; sleeping in the same room you had 20 years ago with your son sleeping where you did 30 years ago; (in my case) knowing where everything is; and finally rebuilding that ability to live and function independently. We got library cards within the first 2-3 days also and checked out nearly 50 books, mostly for the kids.

It's wonderful to be Back Home.

Safe and Sound

Today was a quiet day. We got some extra cleaning done, Princess was adorable, we played a lot of board games (including introducing Prince to Solarquest, a galactic version of Monopoly) and made chocolate cake. Prince and I finished reading the Wizard of Oz and he asked to go on to read book #2 in the series. Oh, and I cut my own hair and did more than just shave it all down for the first time. It turned out more layered than tapered, but it works. Everything was quiet outside.

If you want to know what's going on in the rest of Nigeria, look under the fold. The point of this post is that we are happy and healthy and well provided for. Only look under the fold if you want things to worry about or to make your prayers a bit more specific. We're fine and feel at peace.

We're all good, no worries

As our families learn about fuel protests this week, I just wanted to reassure them that all is quiet in our neck of Yola. If you want more information from my economist side, here is the link at my work blog. We will keep on letting you know all is well here.