Friday, July 15, 2011

Yup, I'll Burn

A fellow will find some interesting things while packing up his papers. Among them were these notes I scribbled one day on the "Top 'Deleted Scenes' from the Book of Mormon".
  • Laban stole the brothers' gold, their silver, and their Star Wars collectibles. In editing, this was later changed to "precious things." [redacted from 1st Nephi 3]
  • Nephi broke his bow when his hunting partner startled him by saying "Be wewwy wewwy quiet." [1st Nephi 16]
  • King Benjamin dives off his tower and surfs the crowd [Mosiah 5]
  • Limhi's men discover a land filled with bones, 24 metal plates written in a strange language, and the Statue of Liberty. Mormon then closes his account abruptly by shouting "You maniacs! You blew it up!" [Mos. 8 and Mormon 7] 
  • Wicked King Noah installed La-Z-Boys & TiVo for his priests. [Mos. 12]
  • Captain Moroni wrote the Title of Liberty on his coat because Twitter was down for maintenance and his PC had crashed again. [Alma 46]
  • Freiberg's first draft of Helaman's stripling warriors showed them crossing the Delaware.
  • After Captain Moroni was done with them, the Kingmen change their name to the Queens [Alma 62]
  • We learn that Pacumeni would have won the election if it weren't for the electoral college [Helaman 1]
  • When the brother of Jared returned from speaking with the Lord on the mountain, he finds the people worshiping a singer/songwriter called the Promised Land Idol. [Ether 3]
  • Coriantumr was the winner of Survivor: Land of the Jaredites. The sequel, Survivor: Land of Bountiful, would start within a few months, with Coriantumr making a surprise guest appearance  [Ether 15 and Omni]
Oddly enough, I had scribbled this on a draft copy of our engagement announcement (printed in turn on the back side of a talk I used in teaching Friday Forum) so we can date this bit of tomfoolery.