Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Confessions from the Absentee Father: Schizoid Man

I was standing in the kitchen warming up my leftovers for dinner when something happened I was not prepared for. The window was open and suddenly

I HEARD A BABY CRYING!

I was in emergency mode. I was not only in emergency mode, I was divided into four people, all of whom were talking and yelling at each other at the same time:

1: A BABY! I HEAR A BABY! WHERE'S MY BABY? I HAVE TO FIND MY BABY
2: DON'T WORRY! YOUR BABY IS FINE. SHE'S NOT HERE! SHE'S IN AMERICA!
3: OH NO! MY BABY ISN'T HERE. I MISS HER SO MUCH!
4: DON'T WORRY! YOU'LL GET TO TALK TO YOUR BABY IN AN HOUR!
1: I WILL!? OH GOOD. WHERE'S MY BABY? I HAVE TO FIND MY BABY


This went on not very long, but long enough before I could pull myself together.